3 Ways Strangers Can Help

Make you laugh

Rant to you without fear which may help you feel an added purpose

sharing their experience s so you won’t feel alone.

See today was rough all around but it started well.

I felt really alone.

Then I spoke to someone new. Not totally new, she’s motivated me a lot with writing. We laughed for hours.

I wasn’t as tense and I felt as good as I did when I jogged today.

Who knew the small things strangers can do.

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Just a Blanket #petty

I am listing this under life and depression because that’s to me what it represents.

See growing up I was always just there. Like on the back burner. Product of people under 30 wanting to see what they could create without realizing how jacked up their lives were already I guess. So yea… My mom says not to dwell on the past so I won’t.

I had been laying on a blanket for the past few days and suddenly it went missing.

I asked about it and my mom’s like oh I’ll just give you a different one…

In my mind I’m like that’s not the point. Not the point at all, but as usual I find a way to get comfortable.

It comes out today that other family members needed a blanket so she gave it to them.

Problem? THAT HAS BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!! LITERALLY THE WHOLE THING HAS BEEN ABOUT THEM accept when I moved away.

She doesn’t see how that can be hurtful. She doesn’t see that I was ALWAYS taken away from to ensure their comfort. She doesn’t see what type of pain and anguish it can cause and how even though it’s tbe past doing crap from the past in the present like taking from me to give to them can make a person feel like crud of the earth.

To her it’s just a blanket.

Meanwhile, I know she knows she was wrong because if she didn’t she would have said yesterday “oh i gave it to them”. No she sat there quiet… Letting me look for the thing.

So it’s replaying my whole childhood, teen years, and first few years of adulthood until i escaped. Every time we’re all together I’m reminded of her treatment of me. How in the end I’m an after thought.

So is it really #petty ?

Am I really #overreacting

Or can anyone understand how one seemingly small action can be a #trigger for stress?

Niacin Update

It’s been a bit (over 2 months) since I started on niacin.

The flush felt crazy the first two times, that’s why they say slide into it with 50 mg. I went to 500 mg because that’s the amount that was in one pill by the brand i like.

If you do that please eat a full meal first.

my lows… Increased heartbeat, at least I think maybe that’s what’s causing it idk for sure. So I’m off of it for now.

Pros: I took it at night and within 30 minutes I was sleepy.

I also took it when uoset and i thought clearer.

It helped with pms too so much to where I forgot about it.

I got up to 1000 a day and was fine.

it’s simply B3

BaHumBug Time

Right now it feels odd. I really feel ungrateful saying it, but i don’t like the holiday family stuff. I’m the only unmarried one in my immediate family and seeing even younger family members with their SO is just annoying.  I’m single by choice, but what does that even mean?

So I’m thinking of grabbinh a hotel or flying to see a friend instead of sitting uncomfortably. 

Would i rather sing songs and enjoy, yes! So that’s a hope for the upcoming years